We asked FAVE for dating advice instead of album promo

FAVE has spent considerably more time thinking about love than the average person. Across RnBling, her just-released six-track EP spanning afrobeats, R&B, dancehall and alternative pop, the Grammy-nominated Nigerian singer examines the many different ways people attempt—and often fail—to love one another. Every stage of a relationship appears somewhere: falling, fighting, forgiving, leaving, missing, returning. So instead, we talked about relationships, red flags, love languages and why, according to FAVE, love is never enough. This is everything FAVE knows about love.

Listening to RnBling, I started thinking of it as a case study in romance. Attraction, resentment, forgiveness, obsession, relief—they’re all there. You’ve been so vulnerable throughout the record. I feel like you know a thing or two about love. What was your first relationship like?
I choose not to acknowledge him in my life, lol. If people ask me, I usually just say I’ve never been in a relationship. But honestly, I think my experience with love is like anyone else’s: you eventually realise that you need more than love to survive in a romantic relationship.

There’s that saying that “love is never enough”, and when I was younger I never really understood what that meant. I thought love was supposed to be the foundation. But as you grow and mature, you realise you need so much more than that. Love itself is such a big concept, and I think it’s misunderstood because everyone has different ideas of what love means and different ways they want to receive it. It takes maturity to realise that the person you’re with might not understand love in the same way you do. For a relationship to survive, there has to be a mutual understanding of love. Your partner has to be willing to love you that way too. I always say that love itself can almost be toxic.

Love can blur your understanding of what the person is actually giving you. Sometimes it makes you ignore things you wouldn’t accept from others.
Exactly. It’s like you’re deciding to be endlessly stupid. When people get married, they make vows like “for better or for worse,” but nobody really explains what “worse” could mean. People assume it means someone getting sick or having a bad month at work, but it could be so much more than that. When you choose to love someone, you’re almost accepting that you’ll be there even during moments when they hurt you or do things that aren’t good for you. So, for me, it’s been about maturing and understanding what love actually means. If I want to be loved a certain way, and if I’m ready to give love, those things all come together and shape how I write these songs. Even though a lot of the stories aren’t necessarily about me, I can still apply myself and understand them from that perspective. It almost feels like I’ve studied this whole concept of love.  

Are you someone who’s usually in relationships, or do you enjoy being single?
When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I think I enjoyed being in relationships. But eventually I started loving being single, and I think I’m still at that point. For me now, being in a relationship means commitment. I don’t want to be in one just to say I’m someone’s girlfriend. I want to be in one, knowing that it’s something that can stand the test of time. I haven’t felt that confidence in relationships for a long time, and if I don’t have that, I’d rather enjoy loving multiple people. 

Never limit yourself. You said love is never enough. What else do you think makes a relationship work?
I think it’s a number of things. Beyond love, you need respect. You can be in love with someone but not have regard for them; those two things can exist at the same time. You also need understanding. Two people can be in a relationship and have completely different opinions, but how they choose to coexist with those differences makes all the difference. It can be small things, like what someone likes to eat or how they sleep, but it can also be deeper things. If someone has trauma or has experienced being shouted at, they might react differently when someone raises their voice. You need to understand each other’s triggers, so you know how to approach situations. Honesty is also important. Some people think loving someone means protecting their feelings by hiding things, while others believe love means being completely honest. For me, honesty has to exist alongside love. I don’t believe in loving someone while lying to them or keeping secrets.

Do you know, or have you found out, what your love language is?
I’d say my love language is everything except words of affirmation. I feel like I can do that myself. Words are powerful, but they’re also fickle and very easy to misuse. People can say anything. But you can’t fake good actions as easily. It takes effort to make plans, show up, and do things for someone. If I want words of affirmation, I’ll listen to a song.

Have you learned to recognise red flags through writing music?
It’s almost impossible for me to talk about love without highlighting the toxic side because I don’t think any relationship is perfect. You can’t pretend everything is always hunky-dory, rosy days. What matters is whether you can get through the hard times together. Are you able to communicate? Are you able to speak to each other like humans? A lot of the time when I write about love, even if I’m writing something happy, there’ll be a line or two where something sad comes through. For example, in “Body Talk,” I start by asking, “What are we fighting for?” Because it’s like, we love each other, we’re better when we’re together, so why are we focusing on things that don’t matter? You can’t avoid conflict when you’re in love, but you should be able to recognise the good parts too and figure out how to get through the difficult moments.

Your song “Body Talk” is about rediscovering each other through forgiveness and chemistry. Do you often feel like you need physical reconnection before you can mentally reconnect?
Maybe, yes. I think I prefer to resolve things while I can see someone’s body language. That’s the best way for me to deal with grievances because things can easily be misunderstood when you can’t read someone. Sometimes words aren’t enough. It goes back to me saying that I prefer actions. There’s so much you can communicate through your body that you might not be able to articulate. That’s something I explore a lot in my music—the different ways we communicate beyond words.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
I think the most romantic thing someone has done for me was flying me out and setting up this whole date. Flowers, everything. It was really thoughtful. But it also made me realise that maybe you do have to tell people how you want to be loved. I had to explain that I value actions more than words for that person to understand.

I am guilty of wanting people to just understand me fully with no access to my brain. I’ve also learned that you can’t expect others to mind-read… and it’s also very telling what people do with that information once you’ve told them what you need. Anyways, back to “Drown,” which is about heartbreak and walking away from something toxic, has letting go become easier with time, or is it something you’re still learning?
Letting go is actually the easiest thing for me. I think it might even be a trauma response at this point. I’m actually working on not letting go so easily. I’m very quick to leave because I feel like if you can see a disaster brewing, you might as well stop it before it becomes a tornado. If it’s hard to let go now, it’s only going to become harder later. So, for me, the earlier the better.

My best friend needs to hear this lol.
We all need to hear it honestly.

What advice would you give someone trying to get over an ex?
I recently read a book that suggested writing down everything you don’t like about your ex—everything you felt you were compromising on. Then, whenever you feel like “I miss them; I want to go back,” you read that list and remind yourself why you deserve better. The second piece of advice is to find a distraction. It could be a hobby, or it could even be another person. As long as it keeps your mind and body occupied and away from that person, it helps.

Do you recommend having a distraction that is a different person? Or do you specifically mean get a hobby?
As long as it’s something that keeps your mind and your body occupied.

Your exes reading this are quaking rn.
Remember: I don’t have any.

True! Finally: What’s the best romantic advice you’ve ever received or would give someone else?
I think my advice would be: love is not enough. A lot of people think it is, but it’s not. And I’d also say that it doesn’t have to be “for better or for worse.” It can just be better. You don’t need to go through endless trials and tribulations just because it’s love.